Happy Seventieth Birthday Mom , Thank you for everything
Today would have been my mother's 70th birthday and she would have hated that, in fact she would more than likely not allow the issue to be discussed or even merely stated out loud as to wish her a Happy Birthday, not even in the company of close family. My mother, albeit tiny in stature, was quite the fireball at times. I suppose it isn't always easy being Irish and a Leo at the same time. My heart has been full of her thoughts this evening. While originally sitting with the intention of writing a simple paragraph or two this evening, I found myself here a few hours later, remembering, reflecting, laughing, and crying, all of the best ways possible as I thought of my beautiful mother. The following is what is in my heart for her , especially on her day today.
I am extremely thankful for the time that I spent with my mother and for the valuable lessons that she imparted upon me during our time together. Our one shared trait was being able to see the beauty in anything and in everything, even in the smallest, seemingly mundane moments, there is always beauty, if you look for it. Her deep faith inspired me and continues to, if not even more so now that she’s not here, as I’ve found myself making more of an effort than ever before to develop mine to the degree that hers was. If given the opportunity to have spent any more time with her, there is one more lesson that I would have tried to learn from my mother.
Coincidentally, it was also the one thing that I admired the most about my mother. It was her authenticity, her ability not only to be in the moment, but to enjoy it to the fullest extent that made her stand out.
I remember watching her as a girl with awe, curiosity, secret admiration and at times annoyance (masking my secret admiration) as not only was she innately comfortable with herself and true to herself as well. My mother possessed an unwavering determination to find happiness in every aspect of life. She refused to entertain the notion of living in a state of sadness, regardless of the circumstances.
Every single day, my mother made it a priority to infuse our lives with happiness, laughter, and joy. She would break into song and dance or put on silly costumes accompanied by exaggerated accents just to provoke laughter. During my rebellious years, I may have tried to conceal it, but deep down I always admired her ability to be carefree and embrace her true self effortlessly. My mother didn't feel the need to pretend or make an effort socially; when she was with others, she fully immersed herself in each moment and genuinely enjoyed their company.
Her deepest desire was for everyone she knew, whether they were family, friends or even strangers, to experience the same profound sense of happiness, peace and joy that she did.
My mother consistently worked with me throughout my life to address this issue as from an early age, I was naturally more serious-minded than most of my peers, always prone to overthinking and analyzing situations. This tendency often led me to worry excessively as I would meticulously evaluate all possible outcomes in nearly any given situation and fixate only on the ones that I deemed to be less desirable.
This inclination towards living inside my own head prevented me from fully embracing the present moment. It hindered my ability to be carefree and sadly kept me from finding contentment in things as they were without yearning for more or obsessing over perceived flaws in any given situation.
I am incredibly grateful for how much time and effort that my mother spent with me over the years to alleviate this as it is only now, as I write this, in this very moment, do I fully realize that it was not my studying neuro linguistic programming, attending motivational workshops, reading every positive thinking self growth type book that I could get my hands on, nor was it my listening for hours to Deepak Chopra, Anthony Robbins, and others on audio tape daily.
It wasn’t the guided meditations infused with binaural beats, theta waves, the Solfeggio Scale frequencies to align my chakras, the reiki healing (also to align my chakras), it wasn’t the Bikram yoga, my time spent listening to the Mantra of Avalokiteshvara while chanting “Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ” (Mahayana Buddhism),
nor the time I decided that Tina Turner had it right, got through that Ike thing with Buddhist chanting and so I followed in Tina’s footsteps and began chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo (Nichiren Buddhisim) while clutching my Nichiren Shu Juzu (prayer beads), I halted and moved on to a different sector of Buddhism at the urging by my Soka Gakkai mentors to acquire and install in my home, a Butsudan aka 仏壇, lit. or more simply a Buddhist altar.
While I thoroughly enjoyed the following experience, it was not the multiple hours spent kneeling in silence at The Kadampa Meditation Center surrounded by the monks (called “kelsang” in Kadampa Buddhism) who impressed me deeply with their dedication to this extensive duration of silence and their certainty of the positive outcome it would ultimately bring.
All of the aforementioned experiences were undoubtedly positive endeavors with some lasting effects, but they are not at all responsible for my profound mental shift. Undoubtedly, it was my mother who played a pivotal role in this profound shift. From my early childhood to my early twenties, she consistently made an effort to instill positivity in me.
I can still vividly remember the day that it occurred to me I had spent a full twenty four hours without a single negative thought or being in my head at all , which I hadn’t experienced in years. I charged through the house and outside to her garden, nearly breathless with excited as to share the news of this progress and profound shift that I’d so desperately yearned for. It felt as if she shared the same level of enthusiasm as me during that momentous occasion.
Both the majority and my fondest memories of my mother are ones in which I can still see her big beautiful pearly white smile, her bright crystal blue eyes, her dance moves which channeled those of The Bangles in the music video for their 1986 hit “Walk like an Egyptian”, and how she’d throw her head back when she laughed , her eyes nearly closed and then full of tears from too much laughter (if there is such a thing).
Mommy, I can never thank you enough, I love you and you will always be with me. Happy Birthday